So Today I Saw a Gun Up Close


You never know what’s going to happen when you ponder life’s great mysteries sitting on the crapper.

Today the doorbell rang just as I sat down in the bathroom. (!) I figured it was somebody selling something and it would have to wait for another time.

About a minute later I heard a crash and loud footsteps inside my house! What?!?? This can’t be happening…lock the bathroom door as quietly as possible and think. Does someone I know have a set of my keys? Is this really happening?

Yes, those footsteps are loud and it sounds like they are moving around the house deliberately. Can I make a run for it? What if they are armed or high?

I take the phone out of my pocket and dial 911. The phone makes a loud beep on every digit…oh crap they heard me here come the footsteps, I stop breathing. Maybe they didn’t hear me…I whisper as loud as I dare to the operator that I need assistance with someone inside my house robbing me.

They tell me help is on the way and I wait. I look around for something, anything to use as a weapon. Nothing.

I weigh my options. Do I wait until help arrives, or try and duck out the back door as quietly as possible. (Taking on the intruder is never really is an option, hoping it doesn’t come to that.)

Then everything is very quiet. How long have I been waiting? Five minutes? Fifteen? Who knows, it could be only two minutes since my call.

Not long after, I hear some voices outside my house. It’s the police! Phew! I figure I haven’t heard movement close to me and my path to the back door in awhile so I make a break for it, fling open the bathroom door, race to the back door and fling it open. I am greeted by armed police who look frightened as well. Luckily I stop moving, put up my hands and say (in French!) that I am the home owner.

Guns are lowered and the police enter and check – my empty house.

Somewhere in the back of my brain I remember something about a roofer who was supposed to come by and check our roof last week but never came. I guess it could have been him placing the ladder against the house and walking on my roof. We live in a bungalow and the sound carries.

It’s amazing how the brain works sometimes as things I heard were not what I thought I heard. I could have sworn that someone was inside my house. (Really!)

I sheepishly tell the police this bit of info but they check the house out anyway. I thank them for their time and I am impressed with their speed. 6 armed officers arrived roughly fifteen (not sure though) minutes after I called.

The guns carried by the plain clothes officers at my back door were big and automatic I think. I’m glad I stopped moving and had my hands where they could see them. I have heard about some of Montreal’s finest being a little trigger happy but these officers were very professional and I never had a gun pointed directly at me. I did see a flash in their eyes when I popped the door open and I knew it would only take a half second or so for their guns to be raised.


All’s well that ends well.


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